Friday, July 17, 2015

Broke-Ass Stewart Says SF Needs a New Flag - and WE COULDN'T AGREE MORE

Broke-Ass Stewart - a longtime SF fixture and recently so down on his luck that he's writing for the Examiner - has put out the call for a new City flag...


Here's the old flag... It's not without it's charm...

But arguably it should be updated.

So... Stewie my man.... HOW'S THIS...

In the center of the flag is a man on his knees.  He may or may not be homeless, but he certainly looks homeless, in tattered and filthy clothing.  He is smiling maniacally, with crazy eyes (possibly achieved by gluing on those plastic googly-eyes). He's holding a 40 oz bottle of malt liquor in his left hand, and a large knife dripping blood in his right.  He's wearing a grubby white tank top with the words "I AM YOUR GOD" emblazoned on it.

At the man's knees on either side are two small limousines, where well dressed people are seen shoveling money at his feet.  Two women on either side are holding up aborted fetuses as a sort of Aztec human sacrifice - though this would possibly be too much detail - unless it was a very large flag - which would mean it would probably have to be on that pole in the Castro - which the community probably wouldn't like - but, y'know... fuck 'em.

And you've gotta have a ribbon underneath it with some pithy saying in Latin.  I don't know the Latin translation is, but my vote is for, "Dicks in Peace, Pussies in War."  Or, if you've got some problem against Latin for some reason, you could always go for that typical SF motto, "If It Ain't Broke... BREAK IT."

As for the color, rather than just have a border in gold, you could just make the whole flag yellow, through a mandatory one-week soak in a large bucket of urine.

Oh sure there are other little details you could add... putting Che Guevara's face on the homeless guy, a background motif of alternating dollar signs, peace signs and upside-down pentacles... but you get the main idea.

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