Sunday, August 2, 2009
Just when You Think That Things Can't Possibly Get Any Crazier... (Part 9,346)
We're Number 1! We're Number 1!
San Francisco Wins Homeless Soccer Tournament
Homeless people from across the country competed this weekend in the Street Soccer USA Cup with a team from San Francisco taking the title.
Good God Almighty... where to even begin with this?
First of all, SF was a shoo-in to win - we have, after all, the largest pool of participants from which to pick!
Then there are the obvious questions... what numbskulls are paying for this? Who is the home team when no one has a home? Will there be a parade, where the citizens will line the sidewalks and urinate on the street in honor of their heroes?
Some other observations and questions from the SFGate's peanut gallery...
"SF won since its been recruiting thousands of homeless annually for many years in anticipation of the event. This is the only example of SF long-term planning."
"This has got to be a Top 5 Achievement during Gavin Newsom's time as Mayor. But will it instill enough pride in San Franciscans for people to forget Newsom was too busy having an affair with his campaign manager's wife to keep the 49'ers from fleeing town?"
"Really, we won because we have a much larger population of homeless people to choose from in selecting a team -- a higher sample means more methheads who can run really fast!"
"I'm rooting for them... to stay in Milan."
"The organizers of the event save lots of money because they don't have to provide the players a place to stay."
"To make sure that San Francisco's homeless soccer team was a true reflection of the city, the Board of Supes insisted that the team include bums who were transgendered illegal aliens."
"How do they determine if the "athletes" are truly without homes? When they do the drug testing, it it MANDATORY that drugs are in the system?"
"That had to be a nice smell. I wonder if Obamer will invite them to the White House for congrats and a beer."
"GREAT!!! WAY TO GO!!!! WOOO-----WHOOO!!! Players and their friends......Now, put that championship energy and desire into getting yer s*** together enough to get off the streets for good!"
"I thought I was reading The Onion. I keep rubbing my eyes, but the story is still there, and it's still not The Onion. I swear to God - you people are making me MENTAL."
"Of course we won. Good lord."