First it was tattooed uber-cunt Jeanene Garafalo. And now Michael Musto has been allowed to spew his bile.
I know what you're saying... "Who???"
Musto apparently writes for the Village Voice, and is considered by some to be quite witty (I'll let you decide for yourself). He is gay (natch). He once appeared in a dress in a Cyndi Lauper video. He had a role in a movie once. And that pretty much does it. The guy is a virtual unknown outside of a few square blocks in Manhattan and the socially parasitic urban homosexual subculture (which is itself a subculture within a subculture).
Here's a few snippets of what passes for wit these days in the New York gay literary scene...
OLBERMANN: Looking for a cue card? Joining me now, columnist for the Village Voice, and author of La Dolce Musto, Michael Musto. Good evening, Michael.
MICHAEL MUSTO, THE VILLAGE VOICE: Next question?
OLBERMANN: So, yeah, no, all I said was good evening.
MUSTO: Oh, okay.
OLBERMANN: Yeah. There it is here, Miss California is opposed to same-sex marriage, which is at least marriage between two human beings, but she has fully endorsed now marriage between a man and a woman who’s partially made out of plastic.
MUSTO: Well, she’s dumb and twisted. She`s sort of like a human Klaus Barbie Doll. I mean, you tell Perez Hilton you’re against gay marriage. That`s like telling Simon Cowell you`re against screeching a show tune. This is the kind of girl who sits on the TV and watches the sofa. You know, she thinks innuendo is a Italian suppository. Can I keep going? On the pageants now, they really should have easier questions, like, "What’s your middle name?" Or, "What show was Seinfeld on?" I mean, this girl is a ding dong. I didn`t even like her earrings.
OLBERMANN: The cruelest cut of all. The outcomes here, too. Perez Hilton looks like an intellectual titan and some sort of civil rights leader. And the new poster girl against same-sex marriage is not just a boob, but a fake boob. This is a real win for this cause, is it not?
MUSTO: Well, Perez is the new me. Let`s leave him alone. And using the C word is something I would do. But yeah, Carrie Prejean, however you say it, she’s getting something off her chest. But what she really needs to get off is the price tag there, you know. And in the meantime, she`s ratcheting up so much sympathy for the gay movement, she might as well be a paid spokesmodel for them. You know, I`d say dethrone her, but we couldn`t even get rid of Bush, couldn`t impeach him for international war crimes. We’re supposed to get rid of some beauty contestant for having falsies and an opinion? Let her deflate, as it were, and just let her keep going, and, eventually, she`ll just be looking for a husband who wants the only virgin in the world with breast implants.
OLBERMANN: Now, the moral in this is what, never cross a beauty pageant official who knows you’ve had implants?
MUSTO: Yes, exactly, that`s it. This has escalated to a public shaving. I mean, and what Moakler has left out, Keith, is that they also paid for Carrie to cut off her penis, and sand her Adam`s Apple and get a head to toe waxing. I know for a fact that Carrie Prejean was Harry Prejean, a homophobic man, who liked marriage so much, he did it three times. Now he`s a babe who needs a brain implant. Maybe they could inject some fat from her butt. Oh, they have?
OLBERMANN: Kind of lost in this, Michael, this claim by Shanna Moakler, who herself was Miss USA, was in Playboy, that implants are commonplace in pageants. I mean, Congress went crazy over artificial performance enhancements in baseball. Should there not be congressional hearings into this, as well?
MUSTO: Wait, you are telling me a lot of beauty contestants are fake? Oh, next, you`re going to tell me their personalities are artificial, too. But yes, I do think there should be congressional hearings into this. Congress should wash their hands with Purell, get together in a big enclosed room, and decide how all of this is like baseball. Though when I look at Carrie Prejean, I think of basketball, don`t you?
OLBERMANN: Yeah, maybe, maybe softball (note: apparently Rachel Maddow is Olbermann's idea of a "hot woman" - YEECH!). You said personality, personality. There’s no personality in this, is there, in these pageants?
MUSTO: No, I said a brain implant. There`s no talent. There`s no personality. There`s just parading down the runway like a ding dong, trying to cure cancer and find the right handbag to match her navel. It`s so obsolete, it has to be stopped. But I watch it every year.
OLBERMANN: Well, there it is, your guilty pleasure. The one and only Michael Musto of the Village Voice. As always, good to talk to you, Michael.